Hiding Friends

So tomorrow is supposed to be the official first day of my sabbatical. Of course, that does not mean that things are slowing down for me at all. If anything, the pace has picked up significantly as I try to get everything covered at Living Water and prepare to go on the longest trip of my life.

But there is one thing I still have left to do to close out my church responsibilities. And it's one of the most difficult things I've had to do in order to disengage from vocational ministry. I'm going to hide the Facebook status of my church members from my news feed. Even writing that makes me start to cry a little bit. Facebook has become a vital ministry tool for me. As a pastor, we often don't know about all the little things that go on in the lives of our congregation - birth of a nephew, new job, stomach flu, etc. But Facebook allows me to know all the details (and then some) of what my congregation is dealing with. I am able to post comments or start praying or follow up with a phone call if it's a more serious issue - death of a loved one, hospital stay, broken relationship, etc. Without Facebook, I would not know half of the things going on in the life of my congregation. So I check in every day, several times a day, and pray and post comments when I see a need or a joy that I can respond to.

It makes perfect sense that I would hide those posts and allow Rev. Trish to be pastor to these people while I am gone; it's the whole point of a sabbatical. But the reality is that she doesn't yet know them. I'm not sure she wants to make them all her Facebook friends for the three months of her pastorate. So things will happen in their lives, important things, little things, and maybe no one will post to say, "I'm praying for you; Call me and we'll talk; I hope tomorrow is a better day!"

I tell myself that none of those things happened with my congregation before we all found Facebook. But we have. The truth is, the real reason I don't want to temporarily cut these people out of my life is that they are not just my congregation, they are my friends. I want to know, as their friend, when they are hurting and when they are celebrating. I don't want to come back in September and find out, "My brother died; I lost my job in June; we're pregnant!" I don't want to offer my sympathy or congratulations 3 months after the fact.

In seminary we often talked about setting boundaries, and one of the boundaries that is most difficult to negotiate is whether the people in your congregation can really be your friends. I've known more pastors than I can count who have formed friendships in the church only to have those people betray confidences and turn on them. That hasn't been my experience. Yes, I have friendships outside of my congregation, mostly with other pastors, but the people in my church are my friends. It's going to hurt - a lot - to hide their lives from me for the next three months, especially knowing that many of them are going to read this blog faithfully so they know everything I'm experiencing.

It's all about learning to trust. I have to trust that I am not the only one God has provided to care for them. There are others. So I leave you, my Living Water friends, in the care of God and Rev. Trish. But please tell me everything I missed in your life when I get back!